This thing called motherhood is not for the faint of heart. As we approach what is considered the mother’s day rush in my business I have been quite reflective of late.
As a young girl, I loved children. Babies. Toddlers. Littles. I dreamt of being a teacher and a mom. Having small lives of my own to care for. To love. It was as much of my planning as my career path.
This thing called motherhood is not for the faint of heart.
When we got married and found ourselves expecting within the first 8 months I was surprised, a bit overwhelmed…but never scared. No one could have told me what it would be like to grow a life inside me. To feel his feet pressing against my ribs. Watch his tiny head roll across my belly. I found myself staring at my swelling middle – mesmerized and overflowing with love for this child I still didn’t really know. The day he arrived I found a love I didn’t know existed. Watching his gaze meet mine. Cradling to my breast. Flesh of my flesh. Bone of my bone. A part of me. A mother’s love is fierce and beautiful.
I poured myself into motherhood while trying to balance a very busy graphic design career. I read every book. Followed “all the rules”. I wanted to be so present. I celebrated every milestone. Wiped that ever running nose. Threw ball after ball after ball. And then. Six months later I found myself expecting again. And then again. And again.
Each pregnancy gave me that same sense of awe and wonder and love. Each felt like the first time. Just when I thought I couldn’t love anymore…I did. These gifts. These children. Such a part of my heart and soul. A part of me walking around outside of my body with their own set of emotions and feelings and personalities. Sometimes it just seemed surreal. [Read more…] about On being a mom