parenting

Homeschool. Public School. Parenting. Empty Nest. Silent Mornings. Peace.

August 14, 2014 by Lisa Lehmann

I sit on the quiet porch. The stillness is wonderful. It is chilly this morning so I gather the fabric of my fleecy robe and pull it high up on my neck, then bury my face in the soft folds. Breathe in. Breathe out. The steam from my breath fogs my glasses. I smell the pumpkin spice lotion on my hands and it reminds me of fall…even though it’s barely mid August.

Usually I loathe the cold. But not this morning. Maybe it’s because I know it will be 75 degrees this afternoon. I think it’s because the cold is invigorating, preparing me for the day ahead.

Day. Alone. No kids. Quiet.

It still seems new to me, even after two years. I still have a few pangs of guilt. I miss them when they go to school. Could I have kept homeschooling? Should I have left their education in the hands of strangers? Did I give up on them?

No.

I even shake my head as I type that. Not that anyone can see, mostly showing the resolute in my gut. It was the right thing to do. They were ready. I was ready.

Summer was chaotic and frazzled. The lack of schedule and routine was unnerving. I crave order. How did we manage when everyone was home all day long? Then I remember the excel spreadsheets, the tight schedules. We all knew where we belonged and when and everything flowed. Seamless. Smooth.

The wind rips through the porch and I gather my robe even tighter around me. I see the swirls of steam dance through the air as they leave my mug of black coffee. The birds feed just a few steps from me. My mellow dogs sit at my feet and watch them. They don’t even growl…somehow they know the birds are part of our NEW morning routine. Our new solitude. Peace.

Earlier. I tucked stools back under the counter. Placed the toaster where it belongs. Cleaned up crumbs and dollops of strawberry jam. Flipped light switches to off and picked damp towels off the floor. Mom duty. Even as I sit on my porch I see a chair askew from dinner last night, a swirl of water on the table from someones glass that never got wiped up. Signs of kids and teens and life.

What will I do when they are gone? I complain about it now, but will I miss it then? People say that I will. People say that it’s hard.

Peace. Order. Be still.

Noah prepares to leave for college in a couple weeks. I am not sad. I do not dread the day. It excites me…for him. This is what we worked for. This is what we prepared him to do. All those years of handwriting, and Greek root words and endless reading. I know my son. I’ve spent countless hours investing in his education for this moment. To send him off. He’s ready. We made a man. A young man who is ready to head into the world. In his wake he will leave chairs out, damp crumpled towels and water ringlets. Minor. Mom duty.

That’s my job.

I sip the black steaming liquid and smile. So peaceful. So still.

I love these moments. I didn’t have them when I was homeschooling. I also didn’t miss them since I didn’t know they existed. They are my morning gift. Seven hours stretch in front of me. Seven hours of productive time in the studio. My day work. But they will come home. Noisy. Loud. Smelling of sweat and institution. They will pull out the stools and leave dishes on the counter. Backpacks and flip-flops and discarded sweaters will scatter my floor. Chaos. Breathe.

I am no longer responsible for their learning. There is a huge sense of relief in that. I check papers. Do math problems (the ones I can still solve). Sign forms. They have good study habits. They do their homework. They take it seriously. They are excellent students. Is that from the years of home education? Maybe. Yes! I’ll take credit for that one. I poured my heart and soul and mind into my small people.

Evening chaos. Such a stark contrast to this quiet morning peacefulness. But for now? This morning is a gift. A treasure. It grounds me and I love it.

But I will also love when they come home. And when the man child is no longer here to empty my refrigerator and overload my washing machine e leaving dumbbells and barbells all over my basement…I’ll miss it. I’ll miss him.

But for THIS year we still have three girls. Three headstrong, independent, brilliant little women. Different personalities. Different talents. Different goals. They are exhausting and wonderful.

Breathe.

This job of parenting is so much more than you could ever prepare for. The diapers. The bottles. The “no’s”. It seems exhausting then. It IS exhausting. But somewhere along the way they develop into real people. With thoughts and ideas and personalities. We GET to be a part of that. Parenting. An amazing privilege.

My fingers grow numb from typing in the cold. I hadn’t even noticed how cold I was as I rushed through these words…smiling. The ramblings of my head. Spewing forth out my hands onto the keyboard in these peaceful moments.

Be encouraged Mama. Daddy. Your work is so meaningful. Whether you spend every waking hour with your creations or just a few. You have power. To love. To mold. To teach. You are shaping the future. Be brave.

But for now. Sit back. Enjoy a moment of quiet. Enjoy your coffee. You’re going to need it.

xoxooxoxoox

lisa

10 practical things every teenager should know before they go to college

July 31, 2014 by Lisa Lehmann

Teenagers. They are capable. More capable than you think. Here are 10 things they need to know before they go to college. In my opinion? They should know these by the 8th grade. But that’s me. I home schooled 4 kids for about 9 years while running a full time business. If you think I could juggle it all on my own you are CRAZY. Besides, isn’t this what you have kids for?

Anyway. The list.

1. Laundry. This is a no brainer. My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were 10 years old. That doesn’t mean I don’t help. That doesn’t mean I don’t fill in. But one needs to learn that clothing does not get thrown on the floor and then magically appear clean and folded on ones bed. I mean seriously mom…you have better things to do? Like HGTV for example! 🙂

2. How to load a dishwasher. The sink is NOT a holding place. It is for rinsing. It is for seeing empty. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. So when food is consumed. Dishes are rinsed and go in the dishwasher. If said dishwasher is clean and full…then you best not let me see you even rest that dish in the sink…empty the dishwasher. Pretty simple. And…I will hunt you down.

3. How to write AND address a thank you note. For the love of all things penmanship…teach your kids legible handwriting and how to address an envelope and WHERE to put a stamp. You might think this is common knowledge. It is not. And…the value of a handwritten thank you note is huge. Do it.

4. How to vacuum. Just turning on a vacuum does not count. Rubbing it back and forth along the floor does not count. It is systematic. It takes longer than 30 seconds. The carpet actual likes it…mom does too.

5. That brings me to chores. Saturday morning. Clean your bedroom. Meaning…stuff off the floor, surfaces dusted, floor vacuumed. It may not be perfect. But a weekly update makes sure things do not get out of hand. We have all seen THOSE dorm rooms. Ugh. AND…clean your bathroom. Don’t expect to hand them cleaning spray and have them get it. Show them. How to clean a toilet. How to clean a mirror. How to clean a sink. Again…our kids have been doing this on Saturdays since they were wee ones. You have plans for the day? Great. Chores first. Their college roommate will thank you.

6. Money. Teach them how to use a check book. That a debit card is actually money. How to transfer money from checking to savings. How to check their bank statement. How to really use cash. Money…does not grow on trees…no really it doesn’t. They need to know…value…and understand that.

7. How to use public transportation. Finding bus schedules. Hailing a cab. Maneuvering through an airport. We tend to do everything FOR them. Next time you are on a trip, let them do the figuring out. When ATL and I went to DC last summer I made her figure out the Metro. Could I have done it a million times faster? Totally. But what if she needs to travel on her own. Thank goodness for cell phones.

8. Restaurant skills. How to order. How to ask questions. Which forks to use. How to wait until other people are served. How to respectfully treat a server. And most importantly how to tip…and that you do tip. Oh yes, and my favorite…how to chew with your mouth closed. I mean is that too much to ask? Gross.

9. Cooking skills. I am not talking boiling water. I am talking how to actually follow a recipe. How to make a meal. Bake a dessert. Time a dinner. Get those kids in the kitchen and show them how to use it. Make cookies. Grill chicken. Make pasta..and sauce. Fry eggs. Make chicken salad. Slice vegetables and fruit. Brown ground beef. Crush garlic. SHOW them. The more they know…the better off they will be. Good grief, buy your kid a cookbook and have them use it. At the very least teach them to search out recipes online and read the reviews! I am planning on eating many meals at my children’s homes and I plan on them being delicious!

10. Teach them to be grateful. For the big things. For the little things. To be appreciative of tiny acts of service. And then to acknowledge it. Never it expect. Never assume. But true gratefulness.

And then send them off. Give them the basics. They won’t remember it all. Not now. But someday…someday they will call on it.

Man-child is ready to go. We are ready FOR him to go. And he is prepared. I have no doubt that he will do VERY well. Will he stumble and fail? Probably. But isn’t that what college is for? At least I know I have tried to do my job well. AND that my refrigerator will stay full for a lot longer a few weeks from now!

xooxoxo

lisa

Kids and Sports the rock solid truth

March 28, 2014 by Lisa Lehmann

Kids and sports.

When you’re wishing for your child to “make the team” there are several factors you need to consider that you may not have thought of before.

For instance….

1. Where do you live?

The weather plays a very big part in how much you enjoy being a spectator at these games. I’ve sat at softball games and my fingers were so numb they turned white. I’ve sat at baseball games with the sun beating down so hard my neck turned red and I was drenched with sweat. And let’s just say swim meets do nothing for my curly hair.

2. Do you value your free time? Are you protective of it?

Fuhgettaboutit. You no longer have free time. You will either be driving to and from practice, or to and from games, or sitting AT games. There will be practice after school hours as well as Saturdays and sometime Sunday afternoons as well. Free time is a thing people dream of.

3. Do you enjoy family dinners and/or cooking for your family?

If not? Then this is brilliant for you. No longer will there be a set time for dinner. No longer will you have any idea when you will have the time to even create a meal. Let alone collect your people long enough to eat it. Family time no longer exists.

4. How do you feel about your butt?

If you think it needs a little flattening then kids team sports are for you! I can almost guarantee the bleacher butt factor will come into play. If you are already feeling your gluteus maximus is too flat and/or to spread out, I recommend investing in some sort of bleacher seats. Yes, you will look like a crazy fan parent…however, we’re talking about your butt here and that ranks fairly high on my list!

5. How early do you want your kids to have a cell phone?

If your four-year-old is playing T-ball? Then you better get him his own iPhone. Coaches rarely start and/or finish on time and you won’t want to leave the little bugger out there on the field by himself.

6. Do you enjoy throwing your money out the window?

It starts out fairly small with a team fee and maybe a new pair of cleats or knee pads or running shorts. But it escalates quickly. Required colored socks. Under armor. Spikes. And then there is the new phenomenon called “Spirit Wear”. This is where they send your child home with all the wonderful things he can buy printed with the team logo along with their name. Pretty soon they have $300 in their shopping cart of what we would consider “play clothes”.

7. Are you a singer? Maybe a public speaker?

Then the grandstands are not for you. There is a definite amount of screaming and/or cheering and/or yelling your child’s name at the top of your lungs that is required. You will either need to invest in throat lozenges or give up any sort of singing/speaking career that you had in mind.

8. Speaking of the grandstands. How are your anger issues?

Are you one of those easily ticked off people, or someone who rates high with the “justice factor”? Let’s just say you’ve now been forewarned. I’ve seen many a parent lose their sanctification when little Bobby gets called out at first base.

9. Do you love crazy obnoxious colors?

You know royal blue, red, black, Golden Eagle yellow? You will be expected to wear team colors to each and every match, race, game etc. Forget looking cute. You WILL to be wearing over priced “play clothes”! Bonus for us? The man-child trades in “Charger” blue for “Eagle” blue in the fall. It might work.

10. Let’s be honest. Are you in this for yourself or for your kids?

Did he really ask to be on the jump rope squad, the dive team AND lacrosse? Did maybe mommy or daddy have a sub par athletic career? There is nothing worse than having freezing fingers, a sunburned back, and a flat bleacher butt for the kid that really doesn’t want to be there in the first place.

My advice? Let them choose.

11. Are you in this for the Olympics? Scholarships? Major leagues?

It sure seems like you have to be these days. Kids are playing their sports year-round. Travel league. Summer league. Winter league. Indoor league. Outdoor league. 20,000 leagues under the sea. It’s maddening.

What happened to athletics as something we did “just for fun”? As an add-on? As something that may peak our interest for a season or two?

Our story? Four kids. Four different sports. We never sold out to the madness yet we still live under the crazed athletic code. Even without the summer leagues or travel ball it still has taken all of our time and money and emotion.

But

But, they love it.

They are busy every afternoon.

They have a core group of friends unlike any other.

They know what it means to work hard and get results.

They have a respect for coaches umpires and refs.

They are in shape.

I don’t write this to discourage you. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, do not be naïve. Be aware. Having your kid involved in sports is one of the biggest commitments you will ever make of your own personal time and finances. Be prepared.

But seriously. And I mean this with all love. Your kid is not going pro. I hate to be the one to break it to you. With that in mind. Enjoy the game. Wave the banner. Learn the cheer. And remember…your kid is just that…a kid. Let them be one.

Now really…how does my butt look in these royal blue track pants?

Go team Go.

signed, avid team mom,

lisa

lasts. firsts. school.

August 14, 2013 by Lisa Lehmann

It’s back to school time already.

As a former “Michigander” this whole starting school before Labor Day seems ludicrous to me. IN FACT…my birthday is September 3. In my whole life I only had 3 birthdays during the school year! My first day of Kindergarten. My first day of 6th grade. And my first day of my senior year. Also the day I got my license, and…I remember what I wore. But that’s not really what we are talking about here.

Wait.

What were we talking about? Oh right, the fact that it’s still summer and my kids started school today.

But today is much more than the first day of school.

Today is a day of lasts and firsts.

FIRST. My oldest child driving to school.

FIRST. My oldest child driving two of his siblings and a girlfriend.

FIRST. Having three children in high school.

FIRST. And this is the weirdest. After many years of homeschooling, and a late start for school with our move last year, this is the first year they have ALL gone to school on the first day of school. So in a sense, this is our very FIRST FIRST day of school.

But it also a day of lasts.

Noah is a senior {{gulp}}.

That makes this the LAST first day of school with all our kids under our roof.

The end of a season.

Weird. But I’m not sad.

Truly. I’m excited.

So although it’s a last…it’s also a beginning.

As parents, we are grooming our future. Our children are the future. They hold it in their hands. They can change it for the better. They can make a difference.

We will continue to teach them. To mold them. To remind them to…

Love God.
Obey His word.
Love your family.
Tell the truth.
Other people count.

Our family values. We hope – and pray – they stick.

That being said…here’s to the future. OUR future. YOUR future.

I DO believe it’s very bright!

(except when they look like this. I asked them to show me how they really feel about the first day of school. Well, there you have it!)

xoxoxox,

lisa

Parenting – Catch me? Do your children trust you?

July 11, 2013 by Lisa Lehmann

“Catch me mama?”

Free falling. Backwards. Eyes closed.

Trust.

Faith.

Belief.

Remember when you would play that game with your wee ones? Maybe you still do.

Promising them you WOULD be there. You WOULD catch them. You would NOT let them fall. And you didn’t.

Our babies. Our toddlers. Our small people. We would never forget them at school. Or fail to feed them. Yes, there is always the occasional failure…we are human after all. However, for the most part, we are their lifeline. They trust us. For everything.

But what about your teens? Would they play that game with you today? Do they really believe that you won’t let them fall?

Broken promises.

Failed follow through.

These things weigh heavily on a child. Yet they still trust. Or do they?

My oldest daughter and I traveled to Washington DC a couple weeks ago. I witnessed that trust, that dependency, in full force. And quite frankly it hit me…huge.

I know she counts on me to drive her places, or make sure there’s food, or help with her homework. But I realized how much she still…dare I say..needs me.

It is different now. She’s not JUST looking for me to do everything, but she is still watching and learning.

Can I be honest? I don’t care for travel. It’s too much unknown, too much “figuring” out. Fortunately, I have the best husband on the planet. He arranged our entire trip to DC. Our flights. Our hotel. Everything. But even though he gave me the framework, I still needed to get us to and from the airport…and around town. It stressed me out. I was nervous. Apprehensive. But I didn’t want her to know. I wanted her to feel safe. Secure. I wanted this trip to be all it was intended to be for her.

And then I watched her. She just followed me. Believed in me. Trusted me. Wow.

I think we as parents have such a huge responsibility to teach them independence. But they still need us…to catch them.

Our son is almost 18. An adult, technically. Yet, each weekend he gets in a car with my husband and travels to play ball games in cities all over. He never gives a thought to where the games are held, or where they will stay. He blindly trusts his dad to lead him. We give him plenty of opportunities to make his own decisions and exercise his freedom, but he still needs us. And he trusts us to be there. To care for the details. Although, HE will not admit it! 🙂

photo cred. Anneke Taylor Lehmann

Often, we as parents get frustrated as we think they SHOULD know more. Do more. Make wiser choices. Be more “adult-like”. But please, let’s not forget as we lead and guide and teach…consciously or not…they still have moments of falling backwards and saying “catch me?”. Not in a rescue sort of way, but a teaching sort of way.

Parents of little ones…you want that. Believe me. So build that trust. Maintain it. When you fail…acknowledge it.

Long story short, I sweat – I mean truly sweat – my way through figuring out a shuttle, a train, a subway and all sorts of maneuvers through DC. Anneke followed me. She believed I would get her where we needed to go. She felt safe. At the end she said, “Now I know how to do all of this. And if I have to figure this out someday when I’m in college I won’t be nervous!”

YES!

Her trust in me, gave her confidence for the future. I love that. And my friend, that alone was worth every beady drop of sweat.