I am convinced there are voices in my head. I mean, not like actual VOICES VOICES.
Anytime I try to make an important decision I can’t seem to land. I question my ability to make an actual decision that will benefit me. I worry about everybody else. I worry who will be happy who will not be happy. I wonder if I’ll ever be happy. I hate this about myself.Is it because I made so many bad decisions in the past? Am I looking back and I judging the things I’ve done, the things I’ve said, the people I’ve spoken to, the people I never got a chance to speak to, ALL OF IT. Craziness. Pure craziness.
Happy. Everyone talks about being happy. And what exactly IS happy? Happy seems to be circumstantial. If that is the case and I don’t get to be happy is that OK? Then we fall into the whole aspect of joy. Do you get to actually just CHOOSE joy regardless of circumstantial happiness. Mind boggling people. Mind boggling.
Bottom line? I can’t seem to trust myself. And if my faith is so huge why can I seem to trust that either?
Often I just wish that I did not think so much. There are thinkers and there are doers. Doers seem much happier. They easily make a decision and go for it. They don’t dwell on it. They don’t hardly second-guess themselves. They don’t weigh every single option to make sure that they’re doing the right thing. They don’t analyze the affect their decision might have on the universe. They just do. Such great freedom that.