Birthdays. Inevitable right? No big deal right? I mean, they happen every year. And it’s “just a number”, right? All of these things are true. I’ve said them. I’ve written them down. In fact, in my head I really do believe them 1000%. In. My. Head.

For some unknown reason I’m experiencing a strange disconnect between my head and my heart lately. Things I KNOW are suddenly not resonating. They’re jumbled up. Confused.

Turning {gasp} 47 on Saturday…that would be tomorrow...has me in a bit of a tizzy. I don’t know if it’s the number or the fact that I’m tipping dangerously close to 50, or that some of my kids are adults. Or the simple fact that I looked in the mirror.

For some unknown reason I’m experiencing a strange disconnect between my head and my heart lately.

First. I am NOT fishing for compliments. Let’s get that straight. I think we all have a standard we hold ourselves to…a personal standard. I don’t normally compare myself to others, but I’m brutal at holding myself to an almost unattainable standard. We all do it sometimes.

Physically. Everything is changing. Some days I’m just down right discouraged. Things don’t fit like they used to. Lines are…evident. And, I even…yes, I admit…I did even consider Spanx. I DON’T WANT SPANX yet. Do you remember the shapewear incident from last fall? Yes, that one. I can’t do the squishing. And at some point do I stop playing with my hair? Is it silly? Stupid? Out of touch? See…I never cared before. I did what I wanted to FOR ME. And now suddenly I find myself worrying about what other people think like a teenager! What happened to “oh when you get to be such and such an age, you won’t care anymore”. Lies. All lies.

And let’s talk about my emotional well being. I started worrying and fretting. Mostly about my business. Am I where I’m supposed to be? Am I making an impact? What if I’m not? Should I quit? Will anyone notice? And in slides that demon called comparison.

In my gut I know who I am…I think. I care more about others than myself…most of the time. I love Jesus…but I get discouraged by his followers. I love my kids more than life itself…but I’ve made so many mistakes.

Just doubts. And questions. We all do this. I know it. But this week it’s like they are swarming me. This day. This year. This trip around the sun.

I don’t tell you all this because I want your reassurance or kind words or sympathy. No. I’m telling you this to say I don’t have it all together. No one does.

• What you see may look like a business woman rocking her 40’s with a beautiful family and a Pinterest worthy studio. OF COURSE you see that. That’s my job!
• What you might not see is me sitting at my desk all hours editing photos…trying to decide what to create next…and then worrying if anyone will like it, let alone buy it!
• What you don’t see is my messy bun, no makeup and cheeks stained with tears because maybe I’ve blown it with my teen one.more.time.
• What you don’t see are my clothes strewn on the floor and bed because what fit last season no longer does.

Life is hard. Aging is hard. Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard.

In my gut I know who I am…I think.

And, tomorrow I turn 47. Forty. Seven.

In three weeks my man-child will be 21.

All of this blows my mind. But guess what?

• I’m going to make a choice. I’m going to choose. (you know choosing is half the battle, right?)
• I choose to embrace my age. (as if I have a choice!)
• I choose to believe in my success.
• I choose to honor myself by reminding myself I AM beautiful because the One who created me says so.
• I choose to love others more than myself because that’s what my Jesus would do.
• I choose to stop looking at the number that’s passed and focus on the what I can do with the years ahead.
• I choose to create every single day because that is what feeds my spirit.
• I choose to dance whenever I feel the need because why shouldn’t I?
• I choose to stop with this negative I-wish-I-had-the-body-of-a-teen-mind-of-a-30-something-success-of-a-millionaire-energy-of-a-7-year-old mentality.

That magazine storybook version of myself DOES NOT EXIST…anywhere.

Instead. I am beautifully and fearfully made. I have a purpose and I do bring joy to others. I am a rockstar. Even if it’s in my own head.

Forget 47. I’m heading to 50. Hang on for the ride. It’s going to be amazing.

Let’s do this.

xooxooxox, lisa

P.S. I’m celebrating my birthday in a very big way tomorrow. With my clients, customers, readers. It’s a massive sale on my site. I mean huge. As in wholesale prices. I’d love to invite you to be a part if you don’t already know about it. All the details are given to my newsletter readers. And tomorrow morning the very last newsletter with details will be sent out. You still have time. Just click here to sign up. I’d hate for you to miss out. By the very fact you made it all the way down here on the page means something. You are SO.CLOSE 🙂 So just click and sign up and you’re in!