Success. I want to tell you I have it all figured out. I want to tell you how to be a successful mom. A successful wife. A successful business owner. I want to tell you Lisa Lehmann and Studio Jewel is at the top of her game.
But it’s not. I’m not.
Moving was hard. Moving my studio twice was hard.
Having a studio not connected to my home challenged every part of the home body I am.
Success. I want to tell you I have it all figured out.
All of it added up to a less than stellar year.
I felt like I lost my mojo.
I missed my dogs at work. I missed living in my own home.
Is this success?
Yet. I knew with every ounce of my being that this move was right. I felt it with every breath of UNsalty lake air. And in this storm of life I let that part of me breathe.
I found a new therapist. She rocked my world. The minute I sat on her couch I decided that this was an all or nothing. It was time. No holds barred. I gave her my everything. I was raw and honest and as she pulled back layers upon layers of guilt from wounds I had carried a very long time I began to find myself. I began to feel ok. Church wounds. Family wounds. Relationship wounds. Every layer I let go…I found me again. I found the Jesus I love. And I realized He had been there the whole time. It was me that put up the barriers.
In that freedom I began to feel lighter. Happier. More joyful. My compassion came back. My creativity came back. My laughter came back.
Maybe this IS success. Or part of it.
And although I have a long way to go. And the journey ahead often looks bleak. I have a hope. And a confidence. And true joy.
My compassion came back. My creativity came back. My laughter came back.
The path ahead is unknown. Newness and change. But. I am no longer the woman I was years ago. And instead of mourning her and feeling guilty about change. I am trying to celebrate it. Trying to embrace it. Trying to settle and find peace in who I am. Today.
Thank you for journeying with me. I know much of this is vague. But trust me? Ok? Thank you for standing by my side when you didn’t have to. Thank you for letting me be me.
I am called to be faithful to the God I serve. I am doing that and trying to be faithful to me. To who I am and who I am created to be. I have denied that part of myself for so very long. I felt guilty about even acknowledging it. But no more.
much much love, lisa